Are you still thinking about what your parents did or didn’t do when you were growing up? Are you still wishing they were different then, or maybe you wish they could be different now? I understand completely. I did a lot of wishing that my mother didn’t abuse alcohol after my father died. But the fact is, she did. And no amount of wishing will ever change that. What can change is the way I look at it. A Course in Miracles has helped me with that, and Family Constellation reveals what happens when I don’t change my view.
Imagine that your parents are standing in the room with you, and you are facing them. How can you possibly move forward safely when your focus is on the past and your back is to the future? It would be like hiking through the woods walking backwards. How would you avoid tripping on rocks and roots and walking into trees?
I love the definition of forgiveness that one of Oprah Winfrey’s guests shared with her years ago…
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past will be different than it was.
When we give up that hope, and agree to what happened, we can turn around and move forward consciously. Agreeing to it doesn’t mean we are thrilled with it or that we condone it. It simply means we are saying, “Ok. That’s what happened.” Now we can take the best from our parents and do something different with it. We can boldly and freely step forward with our focus in the right direction.