Spring is almost upon us. That means many of us will be tidying up our living spaces, perhaps following the advice of the petite but powerful Marie Kondo. If by chance you haven’t heard of her, Marie Kondo is a tidying expert, bestselling author, star of Netflix’s hit show, “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo,” and founder of KonMari Media, Inc. I love the simple question she asks her clients when helping them decide whether or not to keep an item: “Does it spark joy?”
Many of us keep things in our homes or in storage which do not spark joy in us. We site a variety of sentimental reasons why we are unable to let go of these items. That necklace belonged to my mother. My dad played golf every Saturday with those clubs. Those dishes have been in my family for generations. Certainly, remembering the loved one to whom those items belonged makes us smile, but what about the actual item that is collecting dust on the shelf or taking up space in the garage? Do they really spark joy or do we keep them as a way to stay connected to our loved ones? What if we found a different way to stay connected?
Recently while talking about my work, it occurred to me that just like Marie Kondo helps you tidy up your home, Family Constellations helps you tidy up your unconscious mind. You know you can inherit jewelry or dishes from your family, but did you know you can also inherit pain, sorrow, trauma, and anxiety? Even though these things are detrimental to our well-being, just like those material items, they keep us connected to our ancestors.
For example, if there is a break in the bond with our mother or father, we often recreate similar situations in our own lives as a way to be connected. Our unconscious mind says, “See how much I love you, mom or dad? I will do the same.” Children of alcoholics often become alcoholics or marry someone with a drinking problem. We might repeatedly experience betrayal in personal or business relationships if one of our parents was unfaithful or left the other. We may feel anxious for no apparent reason if an ancestor experienced a sudden tragedy and was not able to heal the trauma.
Now I can see clearly that I inherited some of my mother’s deep sadness during my formative years. Her father died in a swimming accident one month before she was born. Her first child was born much too early and only lived a few days. Her husband, my father, died from cancer at the age of 45. That is a lot of loss in one person’s lifetime. It’s understandable that my mom turned to alcohol to numb her pain.
Without knowing it, I took on some of her pain. It lived in me and kept us connected for many years until eventually, it became too much to bear. I began tidying up my unconscious mind with A Course in Miracles and later, Family Constellations. I released the deep sadness and focused instead on things that sparked joy, namely my mother’s incredible sense of humor and the unconditional love that we shared. What a relief to know we could be connected through love and joy instead of pain and sadness!
I invite you to take a look in the closet of your unconscious mind and do some spiritual spring cleaning. If you could use some assistance in this endeavor, it would be my great joy to help you tidy up. I offer private Family Constellations sessions in person, by phone, or computer as well as Life Coaching packages based on the strong principles found in A Course in Miracles and other New Thought teachings. Please look around my website or send me an email for more information and to schedule a session.
Until next time, remember, if it doesn’t spark joy it’s probably time to let it go!
The necessary condition for the holy instant does not require that you have no thoughts that are not pure. But it does require that you have none that you would keep. ~ A Course in Miracles – T-15.IV.9