This week an interesting “coincidence” happened as I was about to start a private Family Constellations Session on Zoom. Right before the start time, the maintenance crew at my apartment complex began power washing the outside of my building. Thanks to the audio filters on Zoom, my client couldn’t hear the sound even as they blasted my front door, but we both agreed it was not an accident this was occurring at the same time. The Knowing Field wanted to make sure we understood that deep cleaning was happening both inside and out!
This experience reminded me that I often compare Family Constellations to spring cleaning for the unconscious mind. Just like clutter clearing a closet or a garage, we often find things we didn’t know were hiding in there. Many of us keep things in our home that we don’t use, don’t love, and don’t even like. We can site a variety of sentimental reasons why we are unable to let go of these items. That necklace belonged to my mother. My dad played golf every Saturday with those clubs. Those dishes have been in my family for generations. We cherish the memory of the loved one to whom those items belonged, but what about the actual item that is collecting dust on the shelf or taking up space in the garage? Do we really need to keep them?
It might seem disrespectful to release those items, but what if we found a different way to stay connected? My dear friend, Dorena, the Space Doula, often recommends taking a photo of the item and then donating or recycling it. That way you still have something to spark your fond memories, but you don’t have the item taking up space in your home. But what if the item conjures up unpleasant memories? Why would you keep it? Keep reading. The explanation might surprise you.
Jewelry, golf clubs, and dishes aren’t the only things that are passed down from generation to generation. You can also inherit non-physical things like pain, sorrow, trauma, and anxiety. Even though these things are detrimental to our well-being, just like those material items, we unconsciously hold on to them as a way to stay connected to our ancestors.
For example, if we have a break in the bond with our mother or father, we can unknowingly recreate similar situations in our lives as a way to be connected. Despite vowing to do it differently, children of alcoholics often become alcoholics themselves or choose a partner with a drinking problem. If one of our parents was unfaithful in the marriage or was swindled by a business partner, we might repeatedly experience betrayal in our personal or business relationships. We may suddenly and inexplicably start feeling anxious at the same age an ancestor experienced a trauma that drastically changed their life. Our unconscious mind says, “See how much I love you? I will repeat the pattern. Then we can be close.”
Once I started learning more about Family Constellations, it was pretty clear that I inherited some of my mother’s deep sadness and pain. Her father died in a swimming accident one month before she was born. Her first child, my oldest brother, was born very prematurely, and only lived a few days. Her husband, my father, died from cancer at age 45. That is a lot of loss in one person’s lifetime. It’s no wonder she turned to alcohol to numb her pain.
Out of a sense of love and duty to his mother, little John unconsciously took on some of her pain thinking it would lessen her burden. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. It only keeps the chain of pain going. However, in a strange way, the pain and sadness kept us connected for many years when it wasn’t possible to connect through love. Here’s the good news. Once you see it, it’s not unconscious anymore, and you can choose differently. You can consciously connect in a healthy way.
I’m so grateful for A Course in Miracles and Family Constellations for helping me to see things from a different perspective. Now I choose to connect to my mom through beneficial qualities like her resilience, her ability to lighten any situation with humor, and most importantly, through the unconditional love that we eventually achieved during the last years of her life. What a blessing and a relief to be free of the other stuff!
By the way, in the final moments of the constellation with my client on Zoom, another extraordinary thing happened. All of a sudden, a ladder appeared at my window, followed by a wall of water. As if on cue, the power washer cleared away anything on the glass that was obscuring the view. Now there was clarity to move forward! I have no doubt my client and I will remember the powerful symbolism in that session for a long time!
If anything I have shared here has stirred something in you, perhaps it’s time for some spring cleaning of your unconscious mind. I offer private Family Constellations Sessions via Zoom as well as monthly Group Sessions. The next Group Session is Saturday, April 9 from 2-5 PM Eastern. Check out the flyer below for details. For more information about Family Constellations, Spiritual Coaching, or to book a session, please look around my website.
For intuitive assistance in your home, I highly recommend a “House Whispering” Session with Dorena, the Space Doula. She is incredibly gifted at locating areas in your space where the energy is stuck or not supporting your intentions. Then she offers fun and creative ways to shift it. You can find her at SpaceDoula.com.
This week, may you have the courage to do some deep spring cleaning to release unhealthy connections and reconnect with love!
It is so beautiful and so clean and free of guilt that nothing but happiness is there.
A Course in Miracles – T-15.I.8:6