“Compare and despair.” You may remember hearing this famous catchphrase on “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley,” a comical skit on Saturday Night Live back in the 90’s. Although it was very funny when Al Franken said it to poke a little fun at the self-help movement, it also happens to be true. Comparing does indeed lead to despair. Recently I have heard several people talk about their first time at a yoga class. They can’t help but look at the human origami around them and ask, “Will I ever be able to fold myself up like that?” I know I wondered the same thing when I began 8 years ago. Eventually I learned to ignore what was happening on the mat next to me and focus more on what my own body was doing. It wasn’t always easy!
Compare and despair snuck up on me again the other night while I was watching the TV show “Shark Tank.” The “sharks” began wheeling and dealing with a contestant whose idea they all liked very much. The negotiations got heated and they began throwing around numbers and financial jargon which I did not understand. I allowed my lack of understanding to make me feel bad for a moment. Then I remembered Stuart. There was no need to feel bad for not knowing those terms and concepts. If I were to read a passage from A Course in Miracles to the sharks, I’m guessing it would not make much sense to them unless they had been studying it too. The point is, this does not make them better than me or me better than them. We are just different people with different interests and different specialties. I most likely would not ask one of them to give me an example of how they applied the 3 components of True Forgiveness as outlined in the Course, and they most likely would not ask me to give them investment advice.
I will never forget the time I was with a group of friends swimming with wild, spotted dolphins in the Bahamas back in 2006. One of the many lessons I learned on that trip was about comparison. I found myself a bit jealous of my friends who could dive deeper and stay under water longer with the dolphins. I was even envious of the dolphins themselves! They could glide through the water so quickly and effortlessly while it was such a struggle for me. Each night the captain would turn the boat’s underwater lights on after dinner and the cook would toss the food scraps into the water for the fish. The abundance of fish attracted the dolphins who circled the boat to have their own dinner. One of these nights my friend Ryan and I decided to sync up our iPods and have our own private dance party under the stars as we watched the dolphins feed. As we danced and laughed on the observation deck, I wondered if the dolphins noticed us up there. Did they wish they had arms, legs, and iPods so they could dance around too? Silly, right? That’s the nature of comparison.
One of the things I know I’m good at is creating a safe space for people to share the challenges in their lives, whether it be during a Coaching Session or a Family Constellation. Please visit my website for more information about both. I love sharing the tools and techniques that have worked for me with others having similar struggles. Until we meet again, remember that you are the best you that ever was and no one else can compare!
