The Should Shed

Are you trapped in the “Should Shed?” It’s that headspace where we tell ourselves all the things we should be doing instead of what we really want to be doing. Yes, we all have responsibilities and commitments that require our attention, but how often do we examine which of those things are truly necessary and which ones can wait or be released?

Just the other day, I escaped from the Should Shed. I was telling myself that I should sit at my desk for a few hours and create a new online Family Constellations event for February. There are quite a few steps involved in creating an event, so I should at least start the process. I also should answer a few emails before going to visit my sister, Gail.

Then I asked what love wanted to do that afternoon. Love wanted me to take advantage of the fact that, for a limited time, Gail is just 60 miles north of where I live. For the past several years, she and her husband have spent the month of January in Florida to get a break from the cold upstate New York winters. My plan was to drive up after lunch to see them. Unfortunately, my morning activities took longer than I anticipated, so no work happened before lunch.

It really was not a difficult decision. I did not want to sacrifice a few hours of quality time with Gail to do something that was not absolutely necessary in that moment. The workshop and emails could wait another day, so I hopped in my car and drove north. I got there in time to join her and her husband for a peaceful late afternoon walk along the beach. We walked and talked up the coast to a little shopping district and returned just in time to enjoy the gorgeous sunset from the back deck of their building. It never ceases to amaze me how the pinks, purples, oranges, and blues dance between the sky and sea as the bright yellow orb dips below the horizon. This one was no exception, as you can see by the photo above.

When Mother Nature finished showing off, we went up to their condo to prepare and eat a delicious pasta dinner followed by two sweet treats. I brought brownies, not knowing Gail had made blueberry angel food cake for dessert. By this time I had been out of the Should Shed for a few hours, so there was no question whether or not I should have some of each. 

We ended our visit watching one of our favorite TV shows: This is Us. Gail and I have been fans of the show for years but never had the opportunity to watch it together. In the past, we would text each other during or after the show when something unexpected happened or when the writers did an exceptionally good job at tugging our heartstrings. If you watch the show, you know it’s best to have a box of tissues nearby. I rarely get through an episode without my eyes leaking at least a little bit. Sometimes, when we knew the other hadn’t seen the latest episode yet, we would threaten to share what happened or make up something that didn’t happen just to throw each other off the trail. That’s just one of many silly games that we have created over the years.

Much like the siblings on the show, Gail and I have been through a lot together. I truly don’t know what I would have done without her during some of those dark periods of my childhood. What a gift to watch the stories of 3 siblings who love each other deeply while sitting next to one of my siblings who I love deeply. I don’t regret my decision to postpone work one bit. It was a great reminder that sometimes the things I think I should be doing are not really the things I should be doing if I want to live a joyful, peaceful life.

Are you trapped in the Should Shed? It would be my great honor to help you reevaluate your options and make choices that bring you joy. Please look around my website for more information about my Spiritual Coaching Sessions and private Family Constellations Sessions. Both can help you break free from the Should Shed. Give yourself the gift of freedom and send me an email to book an appointment

Until next time, I encourage you to examine your “shoulds” and see if they might unnecessarily  be keeping you from joy.

Be not content with future happiness. It has no meaning, and is not your just reward. For you have cause for freedom now

A Course in Miracles ~ T-26.VIII.9:1-3

What if Curiosity SAVED the Cat?

I’m sure you have heard the phrase “curiosity killed the cat,” but this week I have been hearing a different message. During an episode of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, Bob Iger, the former CEO of the Walt Disney Company, included curiosity in his list of most important qualities of a good leader. He told Oprah that he had to stay curious about new projects and new ways of doing things or the company would not survive. In the prologue of his book, Ride of a Lifetime, Mr. Iger writes about the importance of “fueling a deep and abiding curiosity in oneself and inspiring that in the people around you. The path of innovation begins with curiosity.” Curiosity seems to be working for him. Under his leadership, Disney has had unprecedented growth and creative success. By the way, if you haven’t read his book I highly recommend it. The stories he shares are fascinating, even if you’re not a huge Disney geek like me! 

Last week, I listened to an episode of Brené Brown’s podcast “Unlocking Us” featuring author, psychologist, and holocaust survivor, Dr. Edith Eger. During the conversation, Dr. Eger told Brené that curiosity helped her survive the unspeakable cruelty at Auschwitz. She was sixteen years old when she was loaded onto a truck with her sister and mother not knowing where it would take them. Through the slats of the overcrowded truck, her boyfriend told her that he would never forget her eyes. He would never forget her hands. During the horrors of Auschwitz, she told herself, “If I survive today, then tomorrow I will be free and I will show my boyfriend my beautiful eyes and beautiful hands.” Despite being told daily that she would never get out alive, somehow she knew she had to remain curious about tomorrow. In her second book, The Gift, Dr. Eger writes:

“Freedom is a lifetime practice – a choice we get to make again and again each day. Ultimately, freedom requires hope, which I define in two ways: the awareness that suffering, however terrible, is temporary; and the curiosity to discover what happens next. Hope allows us to live in the present instead of the past, and to unlock the doors of our mental prisons.”

Dr. Eger tells her incredibly inspiring story in her first book, The Choice, which I’m reading now. She also shared it with Oprah in 2019 on an episode of Super Soul Sunday. This weekend I ended up watching both Dr. Eger’s interview and Bob Iger’s interview with Oprah on the same night. Apparently, Spirit wanted to make sure I got the message from Eger and Iger to stay curious!

If you are going through a challenging time, it would be my honor to help you stay curious and discover what miracles want to happen next. Family Constellations is an extraordinary way to reveal unconscious blocks that are preventing you from living your best life. My Life Coaching programs are also designed to help you navigate whatever rough waters you find yourself in so you can return to peace. For more information about both of these opportunities, please look around my website or send me an email

Until next time, stay curious!

Yet even the little spark in your mind is enough to lighten it. Bring this light fearlessly with you, and bravely hold it up to the foundation of the ego’s thought system.

A Course in Miracles ~ T-11.In.3:6-7

Bird in a Chain Link Fence

While on a walk the other day, I noticed a little bird perched in the diamond shaped space of a chain link fence. As I got closer, he flew away. It occurred to me as I watched him leave that this was an incredible act of faith. That little guy could not spread his wings while perched in that fence. There wasn’t room. He had to jump out into the open air and trust that his wings and the air currents would lift him up and out of danger. There was a split second where he was neither safely perched nor safely airborne. I doubt he agonized on whether or not to leap. Past experience told him it was safe to do so.

There have been many times in my life where I have taken a leap of faith. Sometimes those leaps of faith worked out better than I could have imagined. Sometimes things did not go at all how I planned, but here I am typing these words. I survived. Not only did I survive, but by doing my best to learn from those experiences, my life has become more peaceful and joyful every year. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that I can always make another choice if the one I made doesn’t work out well. Nothing is set in stone. However, if I stay perched in that fence, I can be sure that not much will change. True, there is going to be that moment of discomfort when I leave the fence, but if I allow myself to feel it and move through it, off into the wild blue yonder I will go.

Are you like that little bird in the fence? Are you wanting to spread your wings and fly but feel confined by your current circumstances? I would love to help you trust the air currents of life to lift you to greater and greater heights. Try one of my four, six, or eight week Life Coaching programs to help you take that leap of faith, or try a private or group Family Constellations session to release something you probably had no idea was weighing you down. You will find more information about both on my website, as well as a calendar of upcoming events.
 
Until next time, may that little bird inspire you to take a leap of faith and trust that your wings and the air current of life will carry you beyond your wildest dreams.

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