Remember Me

Day of the Dead (Dia de Los Muertos) is a holiday that gives us the opportunity to celebrate the lives of our loved ones who have passed. Families honor their ancestors by creating “ofrendas” or offerings. These altars are decorated with candles, bright yellow marigolds, photos of the departed, and the favorite foods and drinks of the one being honored. Since this celebration happens today into tomorrow, November 1 & 2, it felt appropriate to share this expanded definition of ancestors and descendants again. Perhaps it will inspire you to light a candle, look at old photographs, or simply take a moment to remember all those who came before:

One of my most influential Family Constellations Teachers, Suzi Tucker, defines an ancestor as anyone who stands behind the people who stand behind us. Yes, this is our grandparents, great grandparents, and so on, but this definition does not limit an ancestor to those who pass down their DNA. It expands the definition to include teachers, mentors, therapists, counselors, and coaches. Truly anyone who has touched our lives in some significant way is an ancestor. 

By this definition, Michelle Blechner, Suzy Tucker, Mark Wolynn, and the many Constellations Mentors that have shaped my work, including the man who created Family Constellations, Bert Hellinger, are my ancestors. I also honor Helen Schucman, William Thetford, Ken Wapnick, Judy Skutch Whitson, and all those responsible for ushering  A Course in Miracles into the world. I acknowledge and thank Gary Renard and every ACIM Teacher and Facilitator who has helped me understand and apply these radical teachings to my life. I have tremendous respect and gratitude for all of my spiritual teachers along the way: Ministers from both Unity and Science of Mind, my Rose Quartz Family, and the staff at Educating Hands School of Massage in Miami. There are too many to name so I will just say thank you, ancestors!

Suzi also has an expanded definition of descendants. They are anyone whose life we touch that touches the lives of others. Of course, if you have children and grandchildren, they are your descendants. Nieces and nephews fall into this category, but so would any child whose life you have been a part of, regardless of blood relation. If you are a teacher, every student you have ever taught is a descendent. There are so many lives we touch every day whether from a formal mentoring or teaching role or just by the way we show up for them. 

By this definition, my Coaching Clients, Constellation Clients, and all those who have ever attended a Family Constellations Workshop or A Course in Miracles Study Group are my descendants. Take a moment to think about all the lives you have touched. It is extremely humbling to imagine how many people are in front of us. I am thrilled to know that a few members of my ACIM Study Groups have gone on to facilitate their own groups. Some who have attended my Constellations Training have begun to use the concepts and philosophy in their healing work. It brings me such joy to see these teachings being passed down and spreading out into the world.

An experience I had during a Constellations Conference gave me an even deeper appreciation of this concept. During an exercise, the facilitator put us into groups of 3 and instructed us to take turns representing ourselves while one person represented an ancestor and the other represented a descendant. I’ll never forget the feeling of immense gratitude that welled up in me while representing the descendant. As I looked at my teacher and my teacher’s teacher, I wondered how I could ever repay them for such a life-changing gift. And then it dawned on me. The best way to repay them was by sharing what I learned with others, thus allowing the gift to keep on giving.

If you’d like to experience some of the gifts I have been given, consider attending one or both of my weekly online A Course in Miracles Study Groups on Mondays and Fridays. Visit the Miracles page on my website for the times and information on how to join. 

For a one-of-a-kind opportunity to honor your ancestors while releasing unhealthy family patterns, join me for an upcoming Virtual Family Constellations Workshop. There are just two more scheduled in 2021. To prepare you for Thanksgiving, the first is “An Exploration of Belonging with Family Constellations” happening on Saturday, November 13 at 2PM Eastern,  1PM Central. Then, to help you navigate the holiday season, we will be “Balancing Giving and Receiving with Family Constellations” on Saturday, December 11 also at 2PM Eastern, 1PM Central. Visit the Upcoming Workshops page on my website for more information and to purchase your ticket. 

In the meantime, I trust you will find a way that has meaning to you to honor your ancestors, those that came before. Don’t forget to also take a moment to receive gratitude from your descendants, those that follow. I like to watch the Disney/Pixar film Coco at this time of year because it takes place in Mexico during El Dia de Los Muertos. Not only is it visually stunning, but the story will touch your heart. Please enjoy a little sample with the song “Remember Me” by clicking here.

Love must be extended. 

A Course in Miracles ~ T-28.II.2:2

Joy and Sadness

Joy.inside.outsadness.inside.out

Tears are interesting.  They fall both when we are extremely sad and when we are extremely happy.  I cried when my long term relationship ended and when two of my best friends got married.  On the surface, this doesn’t seem to make sense. Yet when we look deeper, we see that joy and sadness have an intertwining relationship.  This relationship is exactly what the creative folks at Pixar explore in their new animated film Inside Out.  It’s brilliant!  The movie takes place in the mind of an eleven year old girl named Riley.  The emotions of Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness are personified as colorful characters running a control panel in her mind.  

Joy does her best to prevent Sadness from touching Riley’s memories so they remain bright yellow and cheerful.  She also keeps Sadness distracted and away from the control panel as much as she can.  That’s what most of us are taught to do.  We try to avoid pain and sadness at all costs.  We distract or numb ourselves through various means so we don’t feel sad, angry, or lonely.  I sometimes use pizza.  Ironically, our attempts to avoid pain and sadness only prolong them.  I’m getting better at allowing myself to feel these feelings in the moment, and then let them pass.  Otherwise they get stuck.  As the movie cleverly shows, past traumas get locked away in our unconscious mind where they can influence our decisions and experiences later.  

Eckhart Tolle says in The Power of Now, “Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain.”  Perhaps we all have an addiction of some sort.  (See my pizza comment above.)  As someone who has had many long term relationships and friendships with individuals suffering from alcohol addiction, including my mother, I can see the truth in his statement.  There is no way around pain.  I can only go through it.  Sadness is not the enemy when I remember why I am sad.  Usually I am sad because I feel like I have lost something that I love, but that implies I had the joy of loving something in the first place!  That’s the nature of duality.  I personally don’t believe that a heart can be broken, but it can be cracked open by a sad event.  The good news is, once it’s open, love can flow in and out freely.  I have learned and seen many times in Family Constellations that love cannot flow through a closed heart.  When participants allow themselves to cry, it is incredibly healing for everyone.

When I cry tears of joy, it’s because my heart is completely open.  Something has touched me so deeply that I can’t contain my emotions or my tears.  Love is radiating in all directions.  I feel connected.  I remember my Oneness with all.  That’s how I felt when I watched this 8 MINUTE VIDEO.  If you have time, click HERE and have a look.  Observe your feelings as you watch.  If you feel like crying, is it because you are happy or sad?  Can you feel your heart open?   This video reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from author and theologian, Frederick Beuchner.

“Pay attention to the things that bring a tear to your eye or a lump in your throat because they are signs that the holy is drawing near.”

Does it feel like there is something locked away in your unconscious mind that is influencing your decisions or causing you sadness? Family Constellations is an excellent key to unlock that door and let it out in the open where it can be healed.  Does it seem like joy is no longer lighting up your day to day memories?  Life Coaching gives you plenty of matches to relight that fire.  For more information or to book a session, please visit my website.   It would bring me great joy to help you find yours.  Until next time, may your heart be open wide to give and receive all the love that’s yours to feel!

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